Project jokes

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.

His boss told him: "You suck."

And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.

His boss told him: "You suck for life!"

XD

I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.

Why did the orphan get 1 mark out of 6 from a project yesterday? Because it was a family tree project.

Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?

Work came to a grinding halt.

Bonnie Blue's son could win a science fair just by participating.

A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.

The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."

The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."

Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."

Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.

Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.

How many software engineers?

Again, none. It's a hardware problem.

How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?

Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.

What will Donald Trump build in our devices?

A firewall.

I've done a ton of work today.

A SKELE-ton of work!

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?

Project-childs.

(Projectiles)

Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?

The Bear Witch Project.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.