Programming jokes
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
This isn't a joke.
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
Yo mama so fat she is the Google JavaScript loading.
What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?
Kiss my ASCII!
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Where did the software developer go?
I don’t know, he ransomware!
AI - AI - Rabo several projects:
Decker: “No Hebingingennanorin and Chirver.”
Alx: “Madam Bob Lee Hubn Vera 20”
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Algorithm.
Algorithm who?
Think Algorithm to the store.
Good news! There's a new program to help autistic people. It's called Action T-4.
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.
Yo mama so FAT, she can't handle files bigger than 4 GB.
with (DYM 27)