How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
