Prioritization jokes

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.