Newest Pound Jokes - Page 2 - Worst Jokes Ever

yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale and it says lose some pounds before u get on the scale or it will break

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6 year old in the trunk of my car.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time

Would love to pound Sterling with a 14lb hammer.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finallly text her boyfriend ̈ Show me your dick now ́

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!" Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

I just reached 10 million pounds in euro truck simulator, but its not even close to what Rakhmat akilov achieved

Me : Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds - Them : Your ugly - Me : Sorry I am not a mirror.

Yo mama so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys WOULD find her attractive

So I was on a discord call the other day and one of my friends American buddies joined and we had a conversation.

Until they say: when did pounds change to quid.

And I said: 'they're the exact same thing.'

Then they said:

"but when did it happen?"

So I said:

"when did school change to shooting range?"

Your mother is so fast she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack

Kaleb: Addison, r u okay???

Addison: Not at all. People think i'm annoying and stupid! Do u?

Kaleb: yes once I pound u in the ass

Gwen (😐): Addison, I don't mean to be mean but ur rlly starting tb an asshole!

Addison (😞): I don't know what u mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!

Kariah (🖕🏼) : that sad!

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there" the boy replied. The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked "do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" the boy replied " "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing" said the pharmacist. That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "you never told me that you were so religious" the boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist"

Just before Lockdown began, a woman took her 15 yr old son Tom, and 14, 16 and 18 yr old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14 year old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week the 16 year old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18 yr old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14 year old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he’d talked to his son and daughters, and asked if he could talk to his wife alone.

“Look, I know you and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”

She started crying. "No, Tommy's the father! I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to happen, but it's been so lonely here without you....I walked in on him jerking off and just couldn't help myself! And Annie's been missing her boyfriend at college, and it....it just sort of got out of hand."

"It's okay sweetheart, I forgive you. You've been isolated for months, up there."

She wiped her tears away. "I can't believe how understanding you're being about this. When we get home I'm making you the best steak and lobster you ever had! I know you aren't eating well, I was looking at the bills on Amazon Prime and saw you ordered a 45 pound pail of peanut butter!"

He looked down under the camera line, under his desk. He wasn't wearing pants and the family dog was still licking his dick. "These things happen."

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds

Superman and flash were in the living room pounding back a few beer flash says to Superman i bet you u can fly into wonder woman bed room and get the best pussy of your life so he does it when he goes back to flash Superman says to flash man that was great but my ass kinda burns

My son said that bully needs a pounding then i say Yeah right that is what i said and did to your mother.My son opens his mouth and freezes i guess he knew what i was talking about.