Plastic jokes

What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...

They're both plastic and kids turn them on.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?

A plastic surgeon. 😷

I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.

You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.

Be careful around fire, plastic melts.

What is more used than plastic?

Hookers.

The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

What do sea turtles and lesbians have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.

So when Kim Kardashian went into the ocean, the lifeguard said, "No plastic littering!"

Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"

GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."

Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"

Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!

Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!