Performance jokes
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?
He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
Because he didn't want to get LOST in the FLOW.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
A LYRICAL WIZARD
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Why did the rapper become a magician?
Because he wanted to drop some ILL-USIONS.
Why did the alien go to the rap battle?
Because he had some UNEARTHLY rhymes!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
Why did the rapper bring a comb to the concert?
Because he wanted to STYLE his FLOW.
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
Why did the rapper take a shower before the concert?
To WASH AWAY the haters!
Why did the rapper go to school?
To master the art of RAP-LETICS!
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You're my closet confidant!"
What's a rapper's favorite instrument?
The MIC-DROPHONE!