*The doctor asking why Ive broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
well what am i gonna do now...
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do? I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through. The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark. Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair. That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect. Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side. Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know. But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
Q: Why are the 49's called the 49's? A: Cause they can't make it past the 50 yard line.
Me: I'm sorry Aaron. Aaron: Why? Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawkings house? No neither has he
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
yo mama so fAt that when she walked past the TV you missed 3 episodes of your favourite show.
When your driving past a graveyard say: wow people were just dying to get in there.
A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will You be my girlfriend? Girl: No, because you have a gun and a sword. Man: But I am already in love with you. And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy. The girl is glad that the has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again. Man: Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl. And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender. Man: And here is some candy. And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too. One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him." Girl: I hate you, ugly man! Man: Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl? The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-" And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun, and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw. So he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender. 999 Service Guy: 999, what's your emergency? Old man: I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword I his bag. 999 Service Guy: Okay, no worries. 1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face. Guy sitting at a table in the bar: That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him. And the police show up. First Policeman: Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag? The girl points to the man and says "This man." Second Policeman: Let's arrest him. Man: No, wait! I can explain. Third Policeman: Get in the back of the car. When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years." One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison. The police see him and run after him. Third Policeman: Come back here! The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running. So the police shoot him and he dies. And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and see's a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running building momentum before launching himself at the nun catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement. He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nuns ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habbit and lifting her limp to her feet til face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace the drunk victoriously growled. Your not so bloody tough tonight are ya Batman.
I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open so I asked “Wendy’s openin’ then?”
I entered kians house, at the top of the stair i was greeted my greatest fantasy, JOHN, he said in a manly tone, "hello there" i walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back, as i walk past his room i felt uneasy , i walk into kians room to find no one, i turn around and gasp, john is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer, he pushed me onto kians bed, the bed was that bad it broke as i fell onto it, john says "a broken is nothing to worry about" i look up at him in disbelief, hes more masculine than i thought, he thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch, he then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point i knew it was to late john, the fart he ripped(sticky to the touch) had me so in shock i wasnt ready for what was next, he picked and jamp on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadyl, sticky to the touch fart id ever seen, it knocked me out, i awoke to find i was in the WALLS, i looked out to find i was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, i fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, i heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" i then knew i was in for some kian treats The end
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commanders) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you"
(Lexa and Clarke from 'The 100' [ #LexaDeservedBetter ] R.I.P. Lexa...)
Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy anLets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste. Lets see how many times it lets me copy and paste.
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? The cabinet had sleeping pills.
Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom "bullets" we don't talk about this anymore
Past, present, and future walked into a bar...things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).
Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
