Parent jokes
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.
Why does Technoblade love orphans?
'Cause he can relate to their parents!
Why is it so easy to roast an orphan?
What are they gonna do, run home and tell their parents?
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
Why are orphans sad?
Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Why are orphans rude at school?
What's the school going to do? Call their parents?
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.