What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
A plane is going to crash there are four passengers and only three parachutes. all the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first he says, my fans need me and jumps, Donald trump takes another and says I am the smartest president, jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute. The boy replies don't worry - Donald took my backpack.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry. You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
you dont need a parachute to go skydiving you only need a parachute to go skydifing twice
There are 4 people on a airplane and the pilot has a heart attack and dies the plane is going down and there are also only 3 parachutes so the guy who knows how to cure cancer says I’m jumping I can save many lives the the 46 president joe Biden says I’m take ing the 2 one so there is only one left Donald trump says to the 7 year old girl I have lived a long life u an take the next one so the little girl says that’s ok the 46 president took my back pack.lol
(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
What do you call a drunk depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
There are 4 people ona plane while its crashing and there are only 3 parachutes theres opera, Obama a little girl and, Trump opera grabs. Parachute and says, "I'm famous i get one" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well im president of cource i get one" and obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since your the future or our generation take the last one" the little girl hugs obama and says, "Actually we can both have one Trump took my backpack"
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry everyone, I punch the wrong buttons and we are heading to DC instead of New York and we are about to run out of fuel. He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world and I'll make the decision. Tony you go first, our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging." Tony jumps off.
Francis,my friend, you go next, pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me." Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history." Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and ......"
Greta interrjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
Why do female para-chutist's have to wear tampon's before they jump ?
So they don't whistle on the way down !
Look I didn't hit rock bottom I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Sally jumped out a plane, She forgot her parachute!
Knock knock
Whose there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky Knock knock
Whose there?
A bomb
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don't it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually their are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
Man says "im flying" realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are to young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
a skeleton goes sky diving. doesn't come back in one piece
