Out jokes

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?

A: Because they were a racquet!

Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

Why are most vacuums gay?

They’re always coming out of the closet.

What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.

The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”

“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”

“Ten,” says the doctor.

“What, years? Months?!”

“Nine...”

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.