Out jokes

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.

Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. Jack fell down, his cock was out, and Jill gained a daughter.

What do depressed people do when they’re bored?

They “Hang” Out.

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

How many times does 42 go into 9?

Get in the van to find out.