Out jokes
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Memes
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"