Off jokes
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Memes
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
A: Everywhere.
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What does the Gay Garlic do when it gets hot? It takes it's CLOVES off. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Like if you LOL every time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why do people want to jump off buildings?
Because they want to become Superman.
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.