OED jokes
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
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What is a good night's sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk walk home from school. Was your time I had dinner night night? Dinner night, is it fun for me? I o I had dinner.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
Bro got something on
Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What would you call a Spanish Notch?
El Notch-o.
I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.
Your hairline is so far back it makes me look like Shaq O'Neal.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
1. Your brother says... “you look ugly.” You say back... “Nice, I was trying to look like you.”
2. You're so dumb, I'm surprised you even made it to kindergarten.
3. The ugly vowels: A, E, I, O, and YOU.