A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,

“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”

This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”

The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”

So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”

When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”

The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…”

A Child asks his teacher to go to the toilet "before you go recite the alphabet" the teacher says a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z "good but wheres the p?" “running down my leg”

What do you call a private nun.

Nun-o-yo-business

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

What is a skeleton´s favorite instrument?

A Sax-O-Bone

I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said Na Br O

What’s similar b/w a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “My mom’s gonna kill me”

what’s Hitler’s favorite yu-gi-oh card

B L U E E Y E S W H I T E D R A G O N

Why don’t romans find algebra fun?

X is always ten. 😂😂😂 (^O^)

God creates a mosquito :) God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly. Angel: okay… a bug. God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth. Angel: weird… but okay… God: and give it wings. Angel: eh, not half bad Go- God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS Angel: shook o-okay God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out. Angel: .-. God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! evil grin Angel: cries Angel: whispers; I’m so sorry…

T H E R E I S N O A F T E R L I F E

My friend said to me how to spell Tom and I said t o m m and he said that not how you spell it’sTom and he sese you have to take out 1m and he so I said but witch one

I named my refridgerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say O I C, U R MT.

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What’s the catch? Aigh there maytee thy catch o the day be crabs.

Nock Nock Who’s there Your mom Your mom who. O shit my moms home honey get the f*** out of my house!

H a L O,B R u D a S, M Y,n À M E , B A D A B E E Y E A B O L A M A Z A Q A N B O W A. I,F O r T y, A Y t ,Y E a R,M A N;F R O M "S O M o L i A,S O r Y,F o R,B à D,E N G L À N D. I, S O L D,M y,W i F E, F o R,I N T E r N E T ,C O n N e C T , A N d , I, Am , L E V E L , T H O R T E e N , I n , R O b L À C K S , I F , Y o U , W à N T, t o , G et , B À T t à R , i N , R O B L À C K S , C O N T À c T , M e , A t , G M à i L @ B O R à K O O B à M À , S e N D , M E , y E r , B à N k , À k O u N t , I n f I r M a T O N ; A n D, P a S s W à R d . T h A N , I , W e L L , G i V e , U , A L L . T h E , C O T T O N , u , D E s I R e . S O r R Y , F o R , B à D , S P à L L i N G , I , K i N D à R G À r D À N , D R o P O u T &

dang it got ketchup on my sleeve what do I do o spread the LOVE

The cop that is on a 12 o clock shift says hands up

I walked In a sushi bar and the sushi chef looked very O-Fish-all!