This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…”
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,
“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”
A Child asks his teacher to go to the toilet "before you go recite the alphabet" the teacher says a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z "good but wheres the p?" “running down my leg”
What’s similar b/w a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking “My mom’s gonna kill me”
My friend said to me how to spell Tom and I said t o m m and he said that not how you spell it’sTom and he sese you have to take out 1m and he so I said but witch one
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What’s the catch? Aigh there maytee thy catch o the day be crabs.
Nock Nock Who’s there Your mom Your mom who. O shit my moms home honey get the f*** out of my house!
God creates a mosquito :) God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly. Angel: okay… a bug. God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth. Angel: weird… but okay… God: and give it wings. Angel: eh, not half bad Go- God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS Angel: shook o-okay God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out. Angel: .-. God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! evil grin Angel: cries Angel: whispers; I’m so sorry…
H a L O,B R u D a S, M Y,n À M E , B A D A B E E Y E A B O L A M A Z A Q A N B O W A. I,F O r T y, A Y t ,Y E a R,M A N;F R O M "S O M o L i A,S O r Y,F o R,B à D,E N G L À N D. I, S O L D,M y,W i F E, F o R,I N T E r N E T ,C O n N e C T , A N d , I, Am , L E V E L , T H O R T E e N , I n , R O b L À C K S , I F , Y o U , W à N T, t o , G et , B À T t à R , i N , R O B L À C K S , C O N T À c T , M e , A t , G M à i L @ B O R à K O O B à M À , S e N D , M E , y E r , B à N k , À k O u N t , I n f I r M a T O N ; A n D, P a S s W à R d . T h A N , I , W e L L , G i V e , U , A L L . T h E , C O T T O N , u , D E s I R e . S O r R Y , F o R , B à D , S P à L L i N G , I , K i N D à R G À r D À N , D R o P O u T &
Have a sink in your house? Eat it. Have a mouse in your house? Kill it. Have a child in your house? M I C R O W A V E I T .
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just kidding now watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.