No jokes

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

Is BB hungry? No, BB-8.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?

Geo dude.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?

A: There’s no signal.

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.

No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.

The makers were orphans.

I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Do you know 6+3?

Other person: Nine.

Nein is no in German.

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Disabled.

If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.

You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.

Like if you laugh.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.