No jokes

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.

It's just true.

Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”

She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...

no one could tell that it was their blood.

What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?

They both have no way home!

We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

Unless you're being raped by a clown.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.