Negligence jokes

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)