Negligence jokes

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.

Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.