Stormtroopers- I guess they never miss huh?
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back. ANDI still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES.
I was hit on by president kennedy, too bad i shot him down
So you can't pay rent and you know your going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord but he's naked and erect and on his cock, it says your rent is due.
A man walks into a sky scraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An on looker watch’s this and is scared but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped cane back up a gain 10 minutes later. The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive and the man said with a drunk slurred voice I “I don’t know every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT! The bartender looks at the first man and says”Your and a-hole when your drunk Superman.”
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
my old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking thru a field of dead babies was.... his cock
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's extinct.
If your having a bad day just remember the Blobfish exists
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies "are you that same person who took Jimmy?" the man replies "yes" and the teacher says "Take susie too she's being a little bitch."
roses are red, violets are blue, i have five fingers, and the middle one is for u.
whats the difference between al qaeda and ms frizzle? One flew a plane into the twin towers one flew a bus into the school
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa, one stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
who delete my stuff??? woooow you racist just because i hispacin
what's the most unrealistic part of harry potter??????...
a ginger with friends
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street",
