Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?
Billie's Jeans.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Yo mama so fat, Thanos had to snap twice.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
Hola.
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Roses are red.
Roses are red.
Roses are red.
I smell burnt toast.
When a white person says the n word,
black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
