Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Hunter

Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

*Operator hears a distant gunshot*

Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

Last Word

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

Grandpa

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

Lie

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

Fire

I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

Test

Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.

Friend: What were the tests about?

Me: Japan.

Line

Bully: Ur Gay.

Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.

Bully: *runs away and hears crash*

Word

When a white person says the n word,

black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."

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  • Ass

    I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.