Mental Health jokes

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

I hope ya'll that have depression kys; you are worthless trash.

Just kidding.

Why do Emos always wear black like ninjas?

Because they're always cutting.

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

If I die, does my depression die with me?

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

How do you get an emo down from a tree?

Cut the rope!

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

What do you say when an emo cuts themself?

"Like your cut, G."

What do you call an emo with a knife?

A cutting board.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

What is an emo's favorite movie?

The Suicide Squad.