Measure jokes
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!
How do you know if a homophobic woman that is a Christian nationalist and Catholic is poor enough she would be desperate enough to do anything to pay her bills?
she would be willing to perform anilingus and cunnilingus on women regardless of their sexual orientation in the LGBT community.
Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Bonjour all ;-) , nd here a frog ( French) joke lol.
Qui a inventé le mètre et qui a inventé le centimètre? (Who invented the meter, and who invented the centimeter?)
Answer: Adam à inventé le mêtre, parce qu'il voulait le (mettre) de dans... (Adam invented the meter because he wanted to put it in).
Eve à inventée le centimetre, parce qu'elle voulait, le sentir-metre (centimetre) Eve invented the centimeter, because she wanted to feel it when going in...
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.