Measure jokes
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
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How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
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What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.