Newest Marine Jokes - Worst Jokes Ever

When you're in a rush to get a
new product out before Xmas,
but marketing tells you to sit on it
TOYPEDO
UNDERWATER TORPEDO TORPILLE SOUS-MARINE
TOYPEDO
WERKENA SLA
2
30 feet
915cm

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little
bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the
Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids
on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am
trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire
US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another
target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of
which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my
fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that
shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we
speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across
the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better
prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the
pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead,
kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over
seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I
have access to the entire arsenal of the United States
Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If
only you could have known what unholy retribution your
little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you,
maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you
couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you
goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown
in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.

So There was a male whale and a female whale swimming threw the ocean .One day the male whale sees a ship and says "that's the ship that killed my parents" . So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea. The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive so he opened his mouth and went for the man but out nowhere the female whale yells. " HEY!!, I was in it for the blowjob but I'm not gonna eat sea men"

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?' ''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom " "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit". "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife". "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"

Q:Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean

A:to find his dad

This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣

What Did The Shark Say When He Ate The Clownfish? This Tastes A Little Funny.

I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.

whats a whale's favorite James Bond movie? liscence to krill

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it’s tail, and the other TAGS A WHALE!

what does a shark smoke sea-WEED

how do whales breathe under water they take a deep METH

What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus _____

What do you ca a female octopus an octopussy

what do you call 2 octopus that look the same? Itenticale!

Where does a octopus put its money? In a octo-purse

octuspus

One did one male whale say to the other male whale? She's gonna blow!

octo means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs.... so where did the pus come from.

what do call a brave octopus octobrave

Hey guys! It's Triple G you can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes as those are the jokes I specialise and only do best on the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revouir, GGG