Lettuce in jokes

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce in.

Lettuce in who?

Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"