I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
how did pioneers name Canada they put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three the first one was c EH the second one was n EH the last letter was d EH that's how they named c EH n EH d EH
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
Alahu-Akbar
went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
I’ll never forget my grandpas last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”
