Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"I'm lagging."
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Albert is a homophobic guy. His cousin Franco is also a homophobic guy.
Albert's aunt and cousin have visited his parents, but Albert didn't know that because he came late at night. Franco was sleeping in Albert's bed, thinking he would not come home. Albert laid on his bed, thinking there was no one on it, and then they started fucking ^_*
No phobia lasts forever 👌😂
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
