What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
