IT jokes
A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.
He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."
Bro, wait, are cannibals real, though?
Anyway, my joke is if you eat yourself, are you a cannibal?
Think about it, lol. Haha.
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
The chicken is actually a fruit because it is grown on a pole-tree.
Why is a tomato red?
Because it saw the ranch dressing!
What do you call a cow with stuff growing on it? Moscow.
Have you ever felt an earthquake? It’s not nature; it’s Brandan Bressler.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
I have been reading this book about zero gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
I made a website for orphans.
It has no home page.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday...
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?