IT jokes
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼
Yo hairline so ugly, it looks like a newfound constellation.
Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!
Your hairline is so discombobulated, it looks like a geometrical shape.
Yo hairline so far back, it oversaw the creation of the earth!
I created a website for orphans, though it doesn't have a homepage.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo so it would cut itself.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
Hello guys. It's me, Donald fuckin' Trump. Ask me anything in the comments, guys.
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.
"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
What do you call a turkey when it is scared?
A chicken.