INS jokes
Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What is red and white and goes 200 mph?
A baby in a blender.
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.
I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡
Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."