INS jokes
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys' pants half off.
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
What do Polish people in Poland use chop sticks for?
tweezers.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
When the Lego set says 9-12Years but you finish it in 1 hour
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.