INS jokes
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
Credit to omnom.
My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
When a rocketship went into space, seven astronauts went into space. That's why it's called NASA.
What starts with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A teapot.
What do you call 6 gay guys in war? Rainbow Six Siege.
What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.
What does a cloud wear in a storm?
Thunderwear.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
What can't you say to an emo?
Hang in there, buddy!
Everybody knows the joke: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because seven ate nine.
But why was 10 scared? Because he was right in the middle of 9/11.
My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
Obi-Wan be like:
"To Darth Maul, lightsabers are blue, lightsabers are red. I cut you in half, why the fuck aren’t you dead?"
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
I've got not much of anything to be honest.
Been in special classes in school.
Not liked by people.
Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.
31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.
Not very smart.
Don't look good.
Hate myself more than anything.
Been a failure at everything in life.
Probably be alone forever.
People treat me like crap.
Can't do anything right.
And the list goes on and on.
So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.