INS jokes
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?
They both be fucking sugar daddies.
Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!
Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"
#she is sex*
There's 3 words in important: I'm, port, ant.
What did the gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
"Why is there so much shit in here?"
When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
Summary of Twilight in one sentence:
Bella hits on two guys, runs away. Edward glances to Jacob saying, "Go Fetch," and suddenly Bella's his.
What does cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
What's funny is that I am typing this in the middle of a document... WAIT JENGA!!!!!!!
Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class and I said, "Man, they are really bad at Jenga!"
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”