Howe jokes
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."