Home jokes
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
An orphan tried to make an app about orphans, but there was no home page.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
Why am I so successful?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
We're taking the orphans to the movies. We are watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
What do you call an orphan?
Homeless.
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.