Home jokes
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.
Unbelievable! When I searched “house of spades,” all I saw was a slave home!
Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!😅
Online arguments be like:
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Why did the orphan jump into the burning building?
It was too cold because they did not have a home.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
Why couldn't the kid play on his laptop?
Because he has no arms and no laptop and no legs and no head and no home and no money and got shot.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
Why can't a homeless person win a baseball game?
They can't find home plate.
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
I went home one day, and three guys—a Spanish guy, a Chinese guy, and a white guy—told me, "You should be proud of your sister. She won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats." Then my sister told me that I was blindfolded, and she gave all of them a blowjob, and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was right all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy says "Blowjobs of the Flavors." As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.