HI jokes

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

What would a heterosexual woman that is a whore do for $500.00 that a gay man would be willing to do for free for a heterosexual man at a glory hole?

Suck his big cock.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He could feel it in his bones!

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

It’s so sad because Stephen Hawking can’t even stand up for himself after all these mean jokes.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

Time for a Terraria joke.

What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?

A gold digger.

(play the game or watch some vids to understand)

Person one: What did the DJ name his son?

Person two: IDK, what?

Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).

What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?

Some desert!

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

Why didn't the bear leave home?

He could not bear leaving his family.

Why did the dog walk out at night?

To scare his people!

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.