The 25+ Best Held Jokes

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point. The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers and gunpoint forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you pendu! 🤬🤬

My girl friend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl she said I was cheating but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What happened to the alligator when he held a gps. He became a navigator.

A clown held a door open for me, I thought it was a nice jester

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbells tables but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up. The manager then walked over to him, and asked "You're hogging the dumbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

What is the difference between the twin towers and the leaning tower of pizza? one held it’s balance the other two fell

Please help me...I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer .-.

there was man, who had just moved from a foreign country. he just moved into his apartment, and was watching his favorite TV shows. the first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him "sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. the man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." the cop said, "sir, what did you use." and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives." after that, the cop said, "sir, im going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" the screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"

a Woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.