Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf’s heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
Olive you ♥️.
Why does the heart ♥️ listen to music 🎶 a lot? Because it loves feeling the beat.
Steven Hawkings had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to pc world for repairs.
what did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said "im gonna break your heart" He says “go ahead your not breaking my 206 healthy bones”
That’s not my age; it’s just not true. My heart is young; the time just flew. I’m staring at this strange old face,and someone else is in my space.
I got a heart pain the I went to hospital when the doctor says I am dead but I run then I jump I am not dead
Max heart and his gay cousin nickals amoto say i back out a fight when he said let’s fight then last minute he said he don’t want to then says i chickened out i ready to fight but his gut swolled his arms he actually looks like humpty dumpty but just wanted to say he backed out + max and nickals are both gay with each other
Max alexender heart is adopted
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully of him. The cop then asked the bully, “Why are you beating him up?” I responded, saying "I fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease. Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, “Well, how did I do?”
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the coroner.
“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”
The inspector then asks, “What about the third body?”
“Ah,” says the coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”
“Why is he smiling then?” asks the inspector.
“He thought he was having his picture taken.”
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it!!
My grandfather has the heart of a lion… and a lifetime ban form the zoo.
The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
“People need me for my excellent medicine!” and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,
“People are in need of my great knowledge!” and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
“You are to young. Take the final parachute and go.” The geek instead says,
“No, there are two parachutes left, the ‘smart’ one took my backpack.”
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,
“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken had 4 chicks and a cheating hen who all sucked out all his money he got from his extremely boring job, and he finally got some peace for himself and was going to the local bar, which was on the other side of the road. He walked in the door, wings sagging, feathers catching on his claws. The bartender eyes him as he sits on a bar stool. “Chuck, how ya doin’? The missus doin’ good?” "Just give me the hardest stuff you got. I’m done." This caught the bartender by surprise. “Chuck, come on, don’t be sayin’ that. Just look to the future and you’ll be fine.” “What future?” Chuck replied in a huff. “My wife and chicks are so goddamn pestering sometimes, you know? But if I leave, they’ll all suffer, and I don’t want that either. Oh, God, Phil, I don’t know what to do.” “You know, you’ve got a good heart for a rooster your age,” Phil answered. "We need that in these parts. I’m tellin’ ya, there will be more than what’s happenin’ right now, ya know, life’s got all its gears turning for ya, and there’s just a bit slow right now. The gears haven’t been oiled in a while, but who’s the only one who can fix that?" Chuck knew the answer. "Me." Phil returned with his drink. "McClucken’s Whiskey, on the house." Chuck glanced at his glass. He held it up to the light. His face reflected in an aura around it, neither looking forward to the light and not backward, either. “No thanks, Phil,” Chuck sighed, "But thanks anyways." He went to get up out of his chair. Phil called as he walked out the door, "Just remember to oil the gears every now and then, eh?" Chuck’s comb flapped in a cool breeze brought in by the season. A bench was nearby, staring across to the other side. And he just sat there, sat there thinking. Cars blurred to a colorfully colorless nothingness as he thought in silence. He could see an open window in his mind, full of chickens: a sassy hen, two identical sportish chick; another, older than the two, and body bristling with blue comb-dye and the latest thing he watched online fresh on his Chickstagram page; finally, the first of the bunch, shy, bookish, with a secretly courageous soul. They all looked… worried, worried for the rooster who guided them, helped them grow, supported them… and all looking out of the window back at him. A single tear welled in Chuck’s eye. The chicken walked back across the road to his family, to his friends, and to the life he was content with.
I have the heart of a lion and a life time ban at the New York zoo.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.