Have jokes
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.
Mineta: Go on.
Denki: Uraraka's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it.
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: ^cries T_T^
Teacher: We have a new student. He's an orphan.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Student: His parents.
Why do orphans play Minecraft? Because they have no home.
Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.
Mineta: ...go on...
Denki: Ochako's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it?
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: *cries T_T*
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.
Orphan: I don’t have parents.
Why can’t orphans buy ice cream?
They don’t have money.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."
And then the wall fell on them.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Yo mama so dumb, she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I have the power."
I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.