Have jokes
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Why don't orphans have phones?
Because they have no home buttons.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Good Morning! Have a Great Day!
#Ijustwokeup
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy."
You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?
My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
Why did the sun go to college?
Because it already have a million degrees!
Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!
Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.