You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
Why do sisters hate you?
Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
