GUI jokes

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

Be smart, not stupid.

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."

How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?

They flip it over.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?

He got hearing aids.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?

Fruit Loops.

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?

They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.

What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?

He breaks his nose.

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"