Goes on Jokes

One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.

The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in the butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”

“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there”

How does Hellen Keller meet men? She goes on blind dates.

Yo Mamas so fat, that everytime she goes on a elevator it goes down

When an American goes on a weight the other person will say "I asked for your weight, not your phone number"!

Priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube... priest asks what are you guys doing the boys answer the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

What is it called when a orphanes goes on vacation Answer: He's Making Family memories

why should you never talk to pie at a party? bc it goes on forever

So I bus crashes killing everyone on the bus and god feels so bad that he gives each one a wish so the first person comes up and she wants to be beautiful so god makes her beautiful and she goes into heaven next person comes up and he says I want to be beautiful as well as the last man in the back begins laughing a little so this goes on everyone becoming beautiful until god asked the last person what they want and he said I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again! so god had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up. The grandmother says: Hey, jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad! Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks jantje to help her stand up. Jantje anwsers: No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad.

"Don't worry! Life goes on" "Yeah that's what's had me worried"

Life is like a film it goes on but you can cut at anytime

So Jessie Waters goes on tv without a gallon of hair gel, o wait never mind.

I've got not much of anything to be honest Been in special classes in school Not liked by people Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me 31 years old and never had sex pathetic Not very smart Don't look good Hate myself more than anything Been a failure at everything in life Probably be alone forever People treat me like crap Can't do anything right And the list goes on and on

So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet the answer is ,I forget I'm a extreme procrastinator keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway

I know this is a really bad poem but I'll do it anyway cuz I have nothing else to do.

Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and exedra. it goes on and on. But why wish for riches? Your already rich enough? If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!

Like I said, it's really bad. :(

a couple has sex in the dark every single night one night the wife gets curious about what goes on so they start f...ing and she flicks the light on when she flicks the light on she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy she's so mad that she started ranting and raving the husband says honey I know you're mad and I'll explain the toy just do me one favor explain the children.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ENDS WORLD HUNGER.

A American goes on a British bus after being in war he wants to sit down so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down but there is a old woman on the seat with her dog in the next the man says will you move your dog the lady says oh you Americans always so demanding and she says to sit some where else he goes through and finds no seats so now he at the back again this time he throws the dog out the window and sits down the man in front says you Americans always do things wrong first yoy drive on the wrong side of the road then hold you knife and fork wrong and you threw the wrong bitch out the window

A Blond and her Brunette friend where chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her. To not be outdone the blond retort's. Thats nothing once we we're in the kitchen I can't believe I didn't see it coming one minute I turned and He just got it all on my face it was so thick and hard! it covered my mouth, my nose,my shoulders, and eyes it even got in my hair; and when i looked up at him all he could say was whoops the Flower went everywhere!

One day my pet bark at me and so I got scared anWas my dad actually it was weird you should’ve saw him and so the goes on in the day because he likes to run around The house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱