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Why do orphans always get an iPhone X?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
What is the same thing between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.
Student one orphan: I don't have any.
Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?
Student one orphan: What!
Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Q: How do you get 50 babies in a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you take them out?
A: With Doritos!
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?