Friends jokes
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "π¬π¬π¬π¬π¬π¬π¬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
What do you call a gay friend?
Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.
My friend had no school because of heavy snow.
Guess you could say it was a snow school day!
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.
I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."
Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
Me, a Chinese woman, and her BFF walked into a bar. I asked the Chinese girl for her number. She said, βSex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!β I said, βWow!β
Then her friend said, βShe means 666-3629.β
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."