Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
What’s a witch’s favorite makeup?
Ma-SCARE-a!
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
What kind of poops do ghosts take? A spooky dookie.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
What do you call an underwater maid?
A mermaid! 😂😂😂😂
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
Why you gay, bruh? I know why I'm gay. I got the wolf pack protectors spirit in me, YA BOIIIII!
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
What did one ghost say to another ghost?
"You're boo-tiful!"
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
There was once a genie with a 10 foot weenie, and he showed it to the neighbors next door.
They thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake. Now it's only 6.4ft.
