Family

Family jokes

The parents used to hit him.

His parents got into a car crash and died.

He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"

How do you know when an orphan is lying?

When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."

Why couldn’t the orphan play baseball?

He had no home to run to!

Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?

Because the children kept calling me "daddy."

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.

Kid: Ok.

*Bring kid to the orphanage*.

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

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  • What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.

    I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.

    Orphan: "What family?"

    Why are orphans always on the toilet?

    Because they don't have anyone to give them some toilet paper!

    What's the one upside to being an orphan?

    You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

    I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.