Family jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy/mommy."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
(True story)
One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."
Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.