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Family jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?

A snake has a home to go to underground.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple can trace back its family tree.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

Why do orphans play baseball?

That’s the only way they can run to home.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap till their parents come home.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

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    • Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.