Family

Family jokes

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

An orphan goes to a doctor.

Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."

Orphan: "But why?"

Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."

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    • My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

    If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

    Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

    Tyler: "Why?"

    Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

    How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?

    Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

    I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

    Why do orphans love Oreos?

    Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

    My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

    "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

    So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣