Family jokes
My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.
I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in milk?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
Why doesn't the orphan's phone have a homepage, being it doesn't have a home?
I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.
Father: Guns cause all these problems!
Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*
Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
"Stop bullying me!"
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.